Diffraction through glasses

I believe I have just made the greatest discovery of my life.

I was out walking on campus, chilling in the chilly air, thinking about computer learning, quantum mechanics, pretty girls and loneliness, when all of a sudden I looked up, and was startled out of my reverie. The image that caught my attention was:

Let me explain. That grey twisting noodle on the bottom is the path I was walking on. That orange ball of heavenly fire is a lamp on a lamppost. What was REALLY amazing were the two lasers that shot up and down from the lamp, extending to infinity. Of course, the lasers didn't ACTUALLY exist, I only saw them because of my glasses. For some reason, my glasses were causing the light from the lamp to stretch only up and down, and it actually looked quite pretty. 

I thought a little bit about WHY this would happen (because it is a little bit strange). And then it hit me. The revolution of all revolutions. 

I WIPE MY GLASSES WITH MY SHIRT LEFT TO RIGHT!

Conjecture: Because I wipe my glasses with my shirt in a left-right motion, it distributes the grease on the surface of the glasses into horizontal grooves. Then, when the light from the lamp comes towards my eye, it encounters these horizontal grooves, and gets diffracted (up and down). This causes the vertical lasers!

Evidence: I then proceeded to wipe the glasses in an up-down motion, and LO AND BEHOLD! When I looked at the light now, the light was now blurred out in the horizontal direction! This is simply amazing! What a wonderful world we live in!

(Of course, I could be wrong. But it just seems so plausible! Right? Riiiiiight?)