Wednesday 13 January 2016

A tedious approach to finding the average span of a 1-Dimensional Random Walk

A good while back, I first encountered across the Prime Dragon. At the time, I wanted to find the average 'area' of the Prime Dragon, or the number of unique points it visits after $N$ moves. Of course, like many problems I think of, it's pretty much impossible for me to do (I'm not even sure if it can be done). In an effort to make some progress to this daunting question, I reduced the problem to a one-dimensional case, and asked "What is the average span of a 1-Dimensional Random Walk (50% chance stepping right by 1, 50% chance stepping left by 1)". At the time, I thought this would be a relatively easy problem, but over a while I couldn't find no easy way to do it. In the end, I produced this twisting, winding and tedious approach to finding the average span of a 1-Dimensional Random Walk (at least it works I guess lol). I'll go try and see if I can find online the actual way to do it, because I'm pretty sure there must be a really elegant solution out there somewhere. Anyway, the 'official problem statement' is (I don't actually know how to state it properly but I'll try my best):

Given a set of $N$ numbers, $Q = {q_1, q_2, .... q_i, .... q_N}$ such that every $q_i$ has a 50% chance of being $1$ and a 50% chance of being $-1$, find the expected value of the 'span' of the set, where the 'span' is defined as $$S =  max(\sum_{j=1}^{N}\sum_{k=1}^{j}q_k) -  min(\sum_{j=1}^{N}\sum_{k=1}^{j}q_k) + 1$$ 
To understand problems, a wordy definition is also useful, so here's a story statement:
Timmy the Dog lives on a one-dimensional line. Timmy's home kennel is situated at $x = 0$. Every day, Timmy (being an adventurous pup), either increases his $x$ coordinate by $1$ (with a 50% chance), or decreases his $x$ coordinate by $1$. Each time Timmy visits a new place, he pees on it, marking his territory. After $N$ days, how many places on average will Timmy have visited (including his home kennel)?
 An example of $N = 5$, where Timmy the dog starts at $0$, goes to $1$, then $0, -1, -2$ and finally $-1$. The amount of places Timmy has visited in this example is $4$ (${-2,-1,0,1}$).

When I first attempted this problem, I did some pretty silly things, like finding where Timmy ended on average (which didn't really help, because we want to know where Timmy has been). Eventually I sort of willy-wonkered myself back onto track, and now I finally have a solution. Solution is made up of several parts.

Step 1: The Foundation and Realization
The average $S$ (where $S$ is defined to be the span), is defined by the following formula:
$$\bar{S} = \sum_{j = 0}^{\infty}P(j)*j$$
where $P(j)$ is defined as the probability that the random walk has a span of size $j$. At this stage of time, if I can find an expression for $P(j)$, then we can all pack our bags and go home because it would be game over, I could just plug it in (and hopefully simplify it). 

From here on, I defined $a$ and $b$ according to the following diagram:
$a$ is defined as $|min(\sum_{j=1}^{N}\sum_{k=1}^{j}q_k)|$ and $b$ is defined as $ max(\sum_{j=1}^{N}\sum_{k=1}^{j}q_k)$ such that $S = a+b+1$.

Now, we can sort of find a formula for $P(j)$:
$$P(j) = \sum_{k = 0}^{j-1}G(N,k,j-k-1)$$
Where $G(n,a,b)$ is the probability that after $n$ days, Timmy has reached $a$ to the left and $b$ to the right (as depicted in the diagram above). We can further crack this formula down with the realization that:
$$G(n,a,b) = Q(n,a,b) - Q(n,a-1,b) - Q(n,a,b-1) + Q(n,a-1,b-1)$$
Where $Q(n,a,b)$ is defined as the probability that Timmy's $x$ coordinate is never less than $-a$, and never greater than $b$. In other words, Timmy is 'confined' for the $n$ days within the parameters $a$ and $b$. So the chance that Timmy actually visits $x = -a$ and $x = b$ is given by $G(n,a,b)$, and for this to be true Timmy needs to be confined by ($a,b$) (in other words $Q(n,a,b)$), but has to exceed both $Q(n,a-1,b)$ and $Q(n,a,b-1)$. (The final terms is added on in a case of inclusion-exclusion, because we over-count).
(Diagram to sort of visualize the inclusion-exclusion)

Putting everything together, we have the following equation:
$$\bar{S} = \sum_{j = 0}^{\infty}j* \sum_{k = 0}^{j-1}(Q(N,k,j - k - 1) - Q(N,k-1,j-k-1) - Q(N,k,j-k-2) + Q(N,k-1,j-k-2))$$
In words, this equation looks at all possible spans that Timmy can attain in $N$ days, then looks at the values of $a,b$ that can be used to get these spans, and sums over everything. However, I found the following rearrangement more useful:
$$\bar{S} = \sum_{a = 0}^{\infty} \sum_{b = 0}^{\infty} (a+b+1)(Q(N,a,b) - Q(N,a-1,b) - Q(N,a,b-1) + Q(N,a-1,b-1)$$
This is instead summing over $a$ and $b$. This can be seen as repeatedly asking "What is the chance that Timmy's minimum $x$ was this value, and maximum $x$ was this value?" Cool.

Step 2: Degeneration over space
I got stuck for a good while. I can remember when I made a further breakthrough. I was walking to McDonald's (I am such a healthy kid) and there's his seat on a hill that's sort of nice. I was lying down on the seat when suddenly I realized "Wait, lots of things cancel out don't they?"


The above is (roughly) what I had sketched in my notepad. Because we are summing over both $a$ and $b$, we can sort of list everything we are summing in a massive table (that extends to infinity). Each cell represents the contribution of each value of $a$ and $b$. 

As can be seen, lots of cancelling goes on. For instance, looking at the total number of $Q(N,0,0)$'s, theres $1$ from $a=0,b=0$, there's $-2$ from $a=1,b=0$, there's $-2$ from $a=0,b=-1$, and there's $3$ from $a=1,b=1$, giving a grand total of... $0*Q(N,0,0)$. In fact, a much more startling realization is that whatever values you pick for $a$ and $b$, (for instance $Q(N,x,y)$), you get a total contribution of $((x+y+1)-(x+1+y+1)-(x+y+1+1)+(x+1+y+1+1))*Q(N,x,y)$, or $0*Q(N,x,y)$. Just about now, my internal organs started failing. This was a disaster. I had felt that I was finally getting somewhere, only to find that the answer was... $0$? That's just heartbreaking. Seriously. I remember kneeling on the ground looking at the clouds, thinking "Why me?"

Shortly afterwards, I resumed walking to McDonald's, and I found the flaw in what I had done. It was to do with the fact that I was summing to infinity. I remembered my friends, I and J's voices echoing in my head: "It's bad to play with infinities (something something diverging something something)". For example, the following sum:
$$R = \sum_{j = 1}^{\infty}j - (j+1)$$
Written out, the sum looks something like this:
$$R = (1-2)+(2-3)+(3-4)+(4-5)....$$
If you pick any integer $j$ which is greater than $1$, you will have some term that adds a $j$, and another term that subtracts a $j$, in other words the sum should end up being just $1$. (there are no $2$'s, no $3$'s, no $4$'s, etc.)
BUT, it's clear that something very dodgy is going on. Each term is equal to $-1$, so effectively what we have is 
$$R = \sum_{j=1}^{\infty} (-1)$$
which is something super negative (and clearly not equal to $1$). The way I solved this problem with infinities was by bounding my sum. Currently, my sum runs from $a = 0$ to $\infty$, and $b = 0$ to $\infty$. However, for certain values of $a$ and $b$, $G(N,a,b) = 0$. These are sort of like degenerate cells. For instance, if $|a| > N$, (a reminder that $G(N,a,b)$ is the chance that Timmy visits $x = -a$ as his minimum and $x = b$ as his maximum), then $G(N,a,b) = 0$, because Timmy simply can't reach $a$ in $N$ days. Similarly, if $b > N$, $G(N,a,b) = 0$. In fact, if we draw a table like we drew last time:

For the case of $N = 4$, the above image represents which values of $a$ and $b$ give positive $G(N,a,b)$. The light blue squares mean that they are "meaningful", and the grey squares mean that they are 'degenerate matter' (I feel so cool right now, but I'm pretty sure in like a year I'll read this and think "lol thats such a dumb name"), in other words they have no bearing on the actual sum. 

So, we have to bound our sum, to something finite. The REALLY COOL THING is, that we can bound our sum however we like, as long as we bound it like within the degenerate matter. (this probably won't even make sense to me later, I'll just draw a diagram):
For instance, I could sum up all the cells within the purple boundary. This might seem like the most sensible sum, as I'm not taking any degenerate matter into account. But, I also have the option of the blue and red boundaries, because the degenerate matter doesn't actually change the sum (because each of the grey squares have a value of $0$), but can still make the sum simpler. I used my animal instincts, and picked to sum within the red boundary. 

In other words, I was limiting $a$ and $b$ to some finite value. For some reasons (that are really half-baked, so just roll with it), I wanted to make the limit of $a$ and $b$ really big. So, after taking all that into account, we have (drumroll):
$$\bar{S} = \sum_{a = 0}^{C} \sum_{b = 0}^{C} (a+b+1)(Q(N,a,b) - Q(N,a-1,b) - Q(N,a,b-1) + Q(N,a-1,b-1)$$
where $C >> N$. $C$ is just really big. Just roll with it. Now remember how lots of things cancelled? The same thing happens here. If the cell $(x,y)$ is included, then it is completely cancelled if the cells $(x+1,y)$, $(x,y+1)$, and $(x+1,y+1)$ are included. Because we picked the red boundary, suddenly our expression becomes:

$$E = 3 + 2N - 2\sum_{j=0}^{N}Q(N,j,C)$$
To explain this, feast your eyes upon this excel table (because I'm too lazy to draw anymore):
This is another example of $N = 4$. The light blue squares represent the positive valued squares. However, we know that almost all the squares completely cancel. The only values of $(a,b)$ that don't completely cancel are highlighted in yellow. Furthermore, realizing that $Q(N,c,d) = 1$ where either $c > N$ or $d > N$ (because $Q(N,x,y)$ is the chance that Timmy is bounded within $a=x$ and $b=y$, and the chance that he's bounded within $(N,N)$ or anything greater is $1$.) simplifies things. Considering just the right column of yellow squares, the top portion is $-\sum_{j=0}^{N}Q(N,C,j)$. (bloody hell I thought writing the proof was going to be easy but there's so many things I have to write, I should really learn how to write with proper math symbols and not words lol). In short, the reason is because each a yellow square at $(C,k)$ provides a $(C+k+1)*Q(N,C,k)$, but the yellow square directly underneath it provides a $-(C+k+2)*Q(N,C,k)$, in other words a net of $-Q(N,C,k)$. The bottom portion of the column is just a series of $-1$'s in a row (for much the same reasoning). The row of yellow cells on the bottom is the exact same as the column of yellow cells on the right (due to the symmetry of $a$ and $b$). The bottom right cell's positive contribution sort of 'rectifies' all the negatives.

(This is probably not going to make much sense to anyone is it lol)

Step 3: Cracking of the nuts

So what we want to find now is $Q(N,j,C)$ for $j \geq 0$. We are slowly getting somewhere. By messing around, I found another 'cracking' method (a way to decompose what we want into different things).
$Q(n,a,b)$ is equal to $0.5*Q(n-1,a+1,b) + 0.5*Q(n-1,a-1,b)$, because out of the $n$ moves that Timmy makes, the first move is either right or left. If it's right, the chance that overall Timmy is constrained within $(a,b)$ is going to be the half times the chance that within $n-1$ days that he is constrained within $(a+1,b-1)$. The same applies if Timmy moves left on the first day. These two outcomes are shown by the purple/red lines. 

After decomposing the whole lot bit by bit, what we end up with is
$$E = 2 + \sum_{j=1}^{N-1}Q(j,0,C)$$
(Here we use the fact that because $C >> N$, then $C - 1 = C$ pretty much. In essence, we can choose $C$ however big we like, so it won't have any bearing on our sum.)

Step 4: Analyzing the Truncated Pascal

Lets take a moment to think of the significance of $Q(j,0,C)$. Pretty much, this expression is the probability that in $j$ days, Timmy never goes to the left of his kennel (because $a$ is $0$). We can represent this information in a 'truncated Pascal Triangle':

The 'truncated Pascal triangle' is a representation of the paths that Timmy can take, if he is never to go left of his kennel. (hence $x \geq 0$). $j$ in the table represents the number of moves that Timmy makes. Pretty much it's truncated, except it works just as a normal Pascal triangle works. The numbers represent how many ways there are of Timmy arriving at that particular $x$ coordinate after $j$ days. What's interesting to us however is the probability that after $j$ days Timmy has not moved left of his kennel, i.e. we are interested (indirectly?) in the sum of each row (shown on the right). 

Looking at those numbers invokes a sense of awe within me. Because these are all numbers found on the PASCAL'S TRIANGLE!!! (the normal one). To be precise, the sum for $j = n$ will be $n \choose {\lfloor \frac{n}{2} \rfloor}$. This is all well and good, but finding a reason for this match up is actually quite hard. In fact, I pretty much couldn't find no reason for it. It's almost like I found a KFC box on the ground, except it was filled with rocks. My heart was crushed. 

So here I was, racking my brains for some way to determine the sum for any value of $j$. (I actually came up with this method a long time ago, but it was a completely idiotic method so I was like "haha nah"). Basically, from $j = 0$ to $j = 1$, there's only one path (so the sum doesn't change). From $j = 1$ to $j = 2$, the path splits into two, so the new sum is twice the old sum. From $j = 2$ to $j = 3$, one of the paths only has one route to take, and one of the paths has two routes to take. If I was incredibly naive, I'd say that $S_{new} = \frac{2+1}{2} S_{old}$ where $S_{new}$ is the new sum and $S_{old}$ is the old sum. For $j = 2$ to $j = 3$, this actually works. Then for $j = 3$ to $j = 4$, again, all the paths split into two, so its no surprise that the new sum is twice the old sum. For $j = 4$ to $j = 5$, one of the endpoints only has one choice (so as not to go to $x = -1$), but all the other endpoints have two choices respectively. Using my incredibly naive method, we would expect $S_{new} = \frac{2+2+1}{2}S_{old}$. AND IT WORKS. In fact, this incredibly naive definition works for all values of $j$ I tested. 

Now, this is incredibly strange. The transitions from $j = odd$ to $j = even$, where the new sum is twice the old, is nothing strange. That's expected. But the method I was using for the transitions from $j = even$ to $j = odd$ was just completely nuts. The only way it would work is if (for some reason) the first term in each row where $j = even$ is the average of the values of the entire row. It's clear from the diagram that this is the case for the values of $j$ shown. (for instance, for $j = 6$, the average of the row is $\frac{SUM}{4} = 5$, and the first value is $5$). So, if I could prove that the first value of each row for $j = even$ is the average of the values of the entire row, I could use my method to find the Sums, then find the probabilities, then I could find the span and I would be a very happy man. 

I thought I'd try my hand at induction (simple induction, where we assume true for $j = k$ and prove true for $j = k+2$). Firstly, some notation. $p_{f,g}$ is the $g$th number on the $j = f$ row. From the table given, it is evident that the statement is true for $j = 2$. Assuming true for $j = k$, we have that:
$$p_{j,1} = \frac{p_{j,2}+p_{j,3}+...p_{j,0.5j+1}}{0.5*j}$$
Now we wish to prove statement for $j = k+2$ (because we are only interested in $j = even$)
$$RTP: p_{j+2,1}= \frac{p_{j+2,2}+p_{j+2,3}+...p_{j+2,0.5j+2}}{0.5*j+1}$$
Now, from the pascal's triangle, we can observe that:
$$p_{j+2,1} = p_{j,1} + p_{j,2}$$
and for $k > 1$:
$$p_{j+2,k} = p_{j,k-1} + 2p_{j,k} + p_{j,k+1}$$
Using these relationships, (and using our assumption) we finally arrive at:
$$RTP: p_{j,1} = \frac{j+4}{3j}p_{j,2}$$
So now, we are nearing the end. All we have to is prove this final statement, and we have all the pieces ready. It's been a long road, but we are nearly there. 

Step 5: The Final Destination

So at this point of time, what we want is a method to relate $p_{j,1}$ to $p_{j,2}$. Luckily, there's a method that does exactly that. $p_{j,1}$ can be understood as the number of unique paths that Timmy could take from one corner of a square to the opposite corner without crossing the diagonal joining the corners, as shown here:

The purple line represents what Timmy must not cross, and the red is an example path for Timmy. 

Evidently, the total number of paths that Timmy can take to get to the other corner is $j \choose  \frac{j}{2}$.  What we want to do is separate the paths that strictly stay above the purple path from those that pass below the purple path. The tactic we use is this. Suppose we have a path that drops below the purple line. That means at some point, it will venture to the right of the purple line. Now, reflect all the moves one move after Timmy has crossed the purple line. 

For instance, this red path crosses the purple line along it's journey. We let Timmy take one step into the beyond, and then reflect all his subsequent moves, so that if he were to move right make him move up instead, and if he were to move up then move right instead. We can easily see that all such paths will end up at a point one below and one to the right of the intended corner. From the facts: (1) All paths that cross the purple line can be flipped to produce a path that ends at this new point (2) All paths that go to the new point can be generated by flipping a path that crosses the purple line (3) All paths that cross the purple line, when inverted, produce a unique path, we can conclude that the number of paths that cross the purple line is equal to the number of paths that reach the alternate end point, namely $j \choose {\frac{j}{2}-1}$

Using this logic, we can get an expression for $p_{j,1}$:
$$p_{j,1} = j \choose \frac{j}{2} - j \choose {\frac{j}{2}-1}$$
We can use very similar logic to get an expression for $p_{j,2}$:
$$p_{j,2} = j \choose {\frac{j}{2}-1} - j \choose {\frac{j}{2}-2}$$
Combining these two formulas, we can find the relationship between $p_{j,1}$ and $p_{j,2}$, and lo and behold:
$$p_{j,1} = \frac{j+4}{3j}p_{j,2}$$
Bam. We find exactly what we need to prove the induction, that the beginning of each important row of the truncated pascal is the average of the entire row. From here on, life is a breeze. We just throw everything together to get a formula. There are heaps of ways to express the formula. The most comprehensive is:
$$\bar{S} = 2 + \sum_{j = 1}^{N-1} j \choose {\lfloor \frac{j}{2} \rfloor} * \frac{1}{2^j}$$
 but the one I like the most is:
$$\bar{S} = 2 + 2(\frac{1}{2} + \frac{1*3}{2*4} + \frac{1*3*5}{2*4*6} + ... + \frac{1*3*5*...*(N-2)}{2*4*6*...*(N-1)})$$ 
for odd values of $N$. 

I was going to read over what I had written, but I'm burnt out. 
The prediction is in green, a test is in blue. As can be seen, it pretty much fits exactly. This is a plot of $\bar{S}$ against $N$

It shouldn't converge, but I'll leave the proving of that to another day.









Sunday 10 January 2016

The worst day in the history of worst days

-So I mean nobody is going to read this anyway except for friends, but I will anonymize everything anyway, including names and places and everything. From this point onward, I shall be known as P (for Pete Patterson, because that is my real name)-

So the other day, I had probably the worst day in the history of worst days. Actually, it wasn't really THAT bad, but all the tiny instances of bad-ness just pile up to give an overall impression of bad. It was such a bad day, that it's pretty funny, which is why I'm writing this up.

A few days ago, me and K (a good friend) decided that we should visit D (a capital city). Every year, a nice camp is held at D for a few weeks, and K and I had attended the camp of 2015. We decided to visit primarily to thank the camp's organizer, M, who had helped us out a lot recently. We also wanted to reunite with some friends who had also attended the 2015 camp, who would be organizers for the 2016 camp. Now, M did mention in the 2015 camp that if we wanted to drop in to the camp and say hi that we should notify M before we arrive. But the camp wasn't actually due to start for a few days (M just arrived early), so K and I rationalized that it should all be good. haha
(P is me, K is good friend, and we are visiting M)

We had another friend, L, who also attended the 2015 camp, but who lived in D. The night before we were planning to visit D, we messaged L, and said "Hey, guess what! We are coming to visit tomorrow! Can you show us around D for a bit so we can have fun?" It turned out that L wouldn't be in town on that day. In fact, he would be visiting E, where K and I come from. That was just heartbreaking. At that moment I thought "Dang, our plan is sort of half-ruined". But the terror was only just beginning.

At 4:30 AM on the fated day, Airplanes by B.O.B. started playing on my phone as an alarm. I practically fell out of bed, stumbled to the shower and flushed myself into a state of semi-wakefulness. 4:30 AM is literally the earliest I have ever had to get up (probably not actually, I might just be forgetting some day). ANYWAY, it was super early, but I was super pumped because today because I would be meeting friends, thanking M, going back to D. Life was looking pretty good, despite the extreme lethargy that permeated my carbon-based frame. I soon met up with K after catching a train, and we were just about ready to ske-daddle and catch a 3 hour bus to D.
"Wait a second, K, I need to buy a card for M first"
Well of course, the Newsagent didn't have any blank cards, or any thank you cards, or any cardboard. Well, what could I expect? After all, today is the worst day in the history of worst days.
"#YOLO bro, I'll just make something on the bus, I brought some paper in my bag."
The card I made wasn't actually that dodgy. Well it was pretty dodgy. It wasn't very rectangular, the writing was kinked because of the bumpy bus, and it was generally not very well done. But it was still a half-respectable card.

Nothing else to draw, so I drew the lady sitting in front of us who told us to shush

After I finished my card, however, we had a lot of time to kill. Our bus would only reach D in three hours, so we had a lot of time to kill. K came up with the great idea that we should swap our phones and start messaging random people. My internal monologue said something along the lines of "haha that's pretty funny, OK lets do it". I scrolled through K's list of friends, looking for potential targets. I finally locked on, and began my K-impersonation. I must have been really good at impersonating K, because not many people actually realized that I wasn't K. The deed done, I looked over at K.
Pete To Unknown Person 1: Follow your dreams, stay true to your heart :,)
Pete To Unknown Person 2: Follow your dreams, stay true to your heart :,)
Pete To Unknown Person 3: Follow your dreams, stay true to your heart :,)
Pete To Unknown Person 4: Follow your dreams, stay true to your heart :,)
I swear one of my internal organs ruptured as I saw the screen. I like message <5 people in total, this sudden explosion of messages to random people that I've never talked to goes against the very fibres of my being. (Luckily people caught on pretty soon). Anyway, we whiled away the time like that. Our anticipation for the day started growing as the bus neared D.

Soon we arrived. We walked with haste toward the building where the camp is held, eager to be reunited with our friends and our leaders. You could almost say we frolicked our way over. We were feeling pretty good at this moment. Of course, this didn't last for very long, because this is the worst day in the history of worst days. But for a brief few minutes, the anticipation bubbled in our guts with every step. We got lost on the way, but that happens all the time. We eventually made it to the building where the camp is held.
Dang I look so deep
Wait wait wait so I anonymized everyone's names but I'm including pictures
wait was there even a point
wait what is life 
yolo whatever. As Macbeth rightfully said:
I am in blood stepped in so far that, should I wade no more, returning were as tedious as go o'er.

We arrived at the place where the camp is held. Heart beating 246. I shrunk behind K as he boldly entered the room. 
"Hey M! Long time no see!" K exclaimed happily. 
Because that day was the worst day in the history of worst days, of course M was not actually there. K was just trolling me as he always does. In fact, M was nowhere to be found in the regular haunts. We decided to go and wait it out in the Psychology Ward. It was actually quite a pleasant place, there were two chairs (as if specifically designed and placed for us) by a shelf of free books. Free is a word I like to hear, even if it's for Psychology books. 
Didn't know Psychologists needed to know so much Statistics. Like there's whole tables of standard integrals and log tables and all of that. 

A bright light suddenly illuminated our minds, as we realized that maybe we would find M at the residential colleges. After all, the residential colleges was where the food was at, and everybody liked food. So after spending about an hour dawdling at the Psychology place, we straggled over to the residential hall. The fire in our spirits was slightly dimmed, but still burning alive. Of course, because it was the worst day in the history of worst days, nobody was there. So we just sat around, waiting for Godot. At this point of time, we were getting slightly worried. We had heard that people were arriving at 11. "But what if they meant 11pm, not 11am?" an insidious whisper whispered. Pushing such nasty thoughts to the bottom of our brains, we entertained ourselves once again by taking each others phones and messaging random people. Because of all this random messaging, our batteries were running low (THIS IS IMPORTANT).

Anyhoo, my eyes were like pretty darn bad. I was swapping over from contacts to glasses, long story short I couldn't see anything more than ~15cm away from my face. Halfway through messaging, K suddenly taps me on the shoulder. "Pete!" he said "It's them! It's M and the rest of the bunch!"!! My heart was suddenly beating 246. It was great that we weren't alone anymore, but.. but... I hadn't really prepared for this moment. I didn't know what to say. "Are you really sure, K? Like, really really sure? Beyond a doubt?" I stared vaguely in the direction K had been pointing, but all I could see was a indiscriminate skin-colored blob. "Yes" K replied succinctly. "But are you really realllllly sure?" I asked again.  "Yes" was the curt reply I got. We edged up towards M, (I sorta hid in the shadow of K) and we greeted them. Like really awkwardly. If sitting with an acquaintance for an hour in silence was rated as a 7/10 awkwardness, and somehow mistaking some random person as your friend and feeling his butt for a good ten seconds as 9/10 awkwardness, this easily surpassed 10^100!/10 awkward it was just that awkward. We sort of just gave our cards, laughed a little bit. Looked around. Laughed a little more. I was practically dying of cancer, my internal organs were failing one by one.
This is what M looked like to me. 

Thankfully, we were saved by the arrival of some comrades in arms (fellow 2015 campers). "OHH! PETE AND K! What a surprise!" S said, with extreme confidence. It was slightly better with more company. After some time, we dispersed a little, and somehow we all managed to get crowded into S's room. Because of our gallivanting on instant messaging, K+me's phones' batteries' were both suffering pretty bad (my english right now is suffering pretty bad too). K suddenly said "Oh wait, I brought a charger!" and proceeded to leave his phone in S's room charging. "We'll just come back and get it later, someone remind me lol".
IMPORTANT CONVERSATION:
K: My goal for today is not to leave my phone here!!
Me: Haha, that's a pretty low aspiration to have!! Haha! Ha! Hahaha!

haha

So we congregated once more in the place where all people meet. We were sort of standing around, discussing what food to get. Me and K were just standing there, sort of just hanging around, not doing very much at all. After some time it seemed we had reached some sort of a consensus (Nandos? not sure). We started walking North for a bit. Me and K somehow ended up at the back of the pack, just following along. As we break into the open, I notice that we are in the carpark. My terribad eyes pick out the blurry figures of several people piling into two cars, and the figure of M swooping in our direction. I turn to K. "Oh, **** **** ******* they taking the car." It wouldn't even have been that bad, except because it was the worst day in the history of worst days, it started raining at that exact moment. M shook our hands.
"Thanks for dropping by, drop by again if you have the time!"
And just like that, they sped off into the rain. Me and K were standing there, beneath a broken umbrella. TRUTH BE TOLD, they only did have two cars we weren't going to fit anyway, but we had pressing issue on our hands 1) Where do we get food 2) its raining pretty hard and 3) K's phone is still in S's room and we just got separated. This was not going good.


Right about now I was questioning my life choices


We made our minds up, as pure adventurers we would take the hard road and struggle our way to Canberra. Needless to say, we got drenched. If the average amount of water consumed by the United States in one year was 1 joshe of water (a new unit), then we probably absorbed 10 joshes of water just walking to Canberra. The water content absorbed by our pants was probably heavier than the pants itself. Dripping wet, we struggled through the streets of Canberra, trying to find food. We soon found a McDonalds, (well K found it, I couldn't really see anything). K suddenly had a brilliant idea. "PETE!" he said. "WE CAN MAKE OUR OWN BURGERS! These burgers will be the ONLY GOOD THING that happened to us today!" Well I'd never done it before, but at this stage I was ready for anything. I opened up the menu, and just bloody added everything to my burger; eggs, lettuce, beetroot, the whole lot. Next it was K's turn. As the plagiarist he is, he opened up the 'chef's suggestions' and picked one of those. Then he tried to change the toppings a little bit. He added three jalapenos, and three long pickles. I was too tired and worn down to judge his taste, so we went and paid and sat down at the table. (we got a free coke though, which was good).

Of course, because that day was the worst day in the history of worst days, something went wrong with the burgers. With K's burger, to be precise. MINE was fine (thank the lord), and I happily chowed down on it.


Something seems... Off about this packaging...

On further inspection, K's burger comprised of the following:
 - Two Buns
 - A beef patty
 - Three jalapenos
 - Three long pickles
SOMEHOW, ALL HIS OTHER STUFF GOT DELETED, and he was left with a jalapeno pickle burger.
Poor chap.
Srs.
Pooor chap.


K: I'll go get some tomato sauce for my burger from the counter

After we finished, our problems still weren't solved. We needed to get K's phone from S's room. However, there were several complications:
1) I had a new phone, so I didn't have nobodies numbers
2) My phone (because of K) was quickly running out of battery, and I needed it to last until at least midnight (when our bus was scheduled to arrive in Sydney)
After some more careful deliberations, K managed to get S's number from Y (another 2015 camp acquaintance) online, which was super good. At this point of time, we had a while to while away, not enough time to visit anything special (like Questacon, which is apparently good but I've never been), and it was too rainy to climb Black Mountain (which L suggested we do). In the end, we just struggled our way back to the residential hall, to wait.

At the hall, we managed to persuade some people to let us into the piano room to while away the hours. Nothing really eventful happened, apart from my ever decreasing phone battery. There soon came a time when we were greeted once more by S, and we could retrieve K's phone. Suddenly, all our worries came undone. It had been a crap day, but we were finally safe from any more problems! Haha! Yes! haha haha

After retrieving K's phone from S's room, we returned to the piano room (because piano is life(though not my life(though I wish it was))) and boogied a bit for a while more. We had the door closed, and life was really peaceful. After all the stress my heart had gone through during the day, I had finally found 42, I had finally found peace within myself. S and J had mentioned a 6:30 deadline they had to meet, but that seemed so long ago, and what was 6:30 but a number? And what is a number but a mathematical abstraction? It held no reality in my heart, for I was one with the birds.

*knock knock knock*

Oh. Oh. HRuuruhRHURmmmmmmmmmmmm mm mmm. Hmmmmmmmm. I watched as the brave man known as K stood, and opened the door. I sort of knew what was coming.
Twas M. Now, my memory of this part of the story is sort of bodgy, everything is in a haze (perhaps because my brain was failing at that particular moment in time), but it went something like this.
"S, J, A! WHAT? 6:30. OUT!"
Me and K stood there, like spongebob and patrick, frozen under the pressure of the ocean's weight.
Cold nothingness. I looked at K's face, he was stoic. It would have been funny, had it not been us getting in trouble. Time seemed to slow, as if a disturbance in the force were warping our space-time trajectories. I think it's important to note now that everything that happened was K and I's fault, I mean M specifically mentioned that we should contact them if we were visiting and we didn't (lol) because we thought a surprise is always nice once in a while. Long story short, M pretty much told us if we came again he'd kick us out, but for now we could hang around in the piano room.

Silence. Me and K looked each other in the eye, sat down at the business table, and thought together:
"My, what a day. What a day." What else could we expect from the worst day in the history of worst days? Literally nothing could get worse, it was just impossi-

*knock knock knock*

Y*#&(%#W&*(#%W&*(*W%#&*%W#&
T: "M may have let you stay, but I'm going to have to kick you out, sorrynotsorry."

~Cue Green Day~

At this point, our day was about as bad as bad can be. We straggled back to Canberra to get food and leave. Of course, because it was the worst day in the history of worst days, when we tried to get Japanese noodles, they said "you'll have to wait 20 mins", which would make us miss our bus. We ended up getting more McDonalds. Finally, when we got on the bus, it was pure bliss, because we knew we were finally safe (for realzies)

the end
OK my english is pretty tomato-like throughout this whole spiel, but yea after going through applications for unis I feel a bit braindead